


To My Dearest Friend

by CuteHeartz



Category: Marble Hornets
Genre: Dark, Especially Brian, Grief/Mourning, Mentions of Death, Post-MH, Sad, Self-Reflection, Tim reflects on the past, kinda shippy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-11
Updated: 2019-02-11
Packaged: 2019-10-26 01:13:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17736206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CuteHeartz/pseuds/CuteHeartz
Summary: Tim visits Brian and reflects on the events of Marble Hornets and gets important words off of his chest.Because we need more angsty Tim fics for after the events of Marble Hornets.





	To My Dearest Friend

The wind seemed unusually chilly this morning.

The wet grass softly rustled under Tim’s footsteps as he pulled his jacket closer to himself and walked against the cold breeze blowing through his dark hair and numbing his nose and ears. Usually he visited this place in June, around the anniversary of their deaths, but he had begun to feel particularly lonely the past week and decided that a chat with his friend was needed to keep him moving forward. 

It took a bit of convincing from his boss to schedule a day for him to make the drive back down to his old town, but it was worth it. It was always worth it. 

Since it was a weekday, the cemetery was much emptier. He only passed by two or three older visitors on the way to his destination. It had just finished raining and a slight fog was left to hang around the grass and graves, casting the world around Tim in a lifeless gray and dull blue color. The only sounds reaching his ears was that of his own footsteps and the occasional bird calls. 

It had been three years.

He still remembered the funerals of all those who had died during that horrible time. He remembered lingering at the back of the crowd as he watched Jay’s mother lean into her husbands shoulder with trembling shoulders. He remembered the heartbroken looks on Brian’s family’s faces as they gazed at Tim, conveying a million different messages at once. They sent messages of grief and heartbreak, but most of all their eyes seemed to scream the same questions at Tim.

’ _Why?’_

_’How did this happen?’_

_’Why wasn’t it_ you _?’_

He remembered watching as their caskets were gently lowered into the ground, roses tossed in after them. He remembered looking away with blurred vision as they began to fill the graves with dirt. 

After the funerals, he had attempted to move on with his life. He went back to the hotel room he was staying in until he could save up enough money and leave town. He laid down in his bed and cried into his pillows. 

His legs were now still, having arrived at his destination. 

Tim gazed down quietly at the simple white gravestone. There were a few bouquets of flowers laying against it and not much else. Small words were carved into the center of the stone.

_Here Lies_

_Brian G. Thomas_

_1994-2014_

_Son, Brother, Friend_

Tim stared at the inscription, still unable to truly comprehend what the words meant. Still unable to fully accept the fact that Brian was gone. How could he be gone, when Tim so clearly remembered his laughter when he would tell Brian stupid jokes? Or the way his eyes lit up whenever they walked past an ice cream parlor or an antique store? 

Finally, he knelt down and ran his numb fingers gently over the carved letters spelling Brian’s name. 

“Hey..” He said softly. “I’m back. I know normally I only visit around June, but.. I had to see you and the others again.” 

With his other hand he messily wiped at his eyes, where rebellious tears had already begun to form. Not here. Not now. 

After a few moments of silence, he released a shaky breath and retracted his fingers from the stone. Instead, he pulled out a slightly crumpled piece of paper from his jacket pocket and moved so he was sitting entirely on the ground instead of kneeling. 

“I.. wrote another letter.” He murmured. “I should be able to say these things without having to write them down first, but saying it unprepared is... hard for me. I hope the letters are alright for now...” he said, trailing off as he shakily unfolded the paper in his cold hands. 

He carefully studied the prepared words and thoughts, trying to muster up the courage to say them. To say words that he had avoided speaking for years now, but that needed to be said. To say what he had never said to Brian, but what he should have. And now all that was here to hear those words was a cold slab of stone and the rustling trees. 

“To my dearest friend....

I’ve missed you. How’ve you been? 

I wish you’d get back to me so I don’t have to write another letter again.”

A heart-wrenching ache made Tim have to briefly pause. He wanted nothing more than for Brian to respond to him. To say anything. _Something_. Even if it was something stupid. Instead all he got was silence, and a faint possibility of an audience somewhere far from here.

”I hope you know that I send my thoughts out to you whenever I can.

Its a shot in the dark cause... I don’t exactly know where you are.”

Tim’s eyes watered despite his inner fight to prevent them from forming. He wiped at them furiously again before returning his blurred vision to the paper trying to escape with the soft gusts of the wind.

”I mean.. I’ve got a pretty good idea, but.. wherever it is, it must be far..

I haven’t heard from you in so long, I’ve almost forgotten what you sound like.”

Here, Tim smiled through the tears, shaking his head as his memories took him back to happier, simpler times. 

“Although I’ll never forget your infectious laughter. It was always a highlight of any night.

I still watch over the streets that you once roamed. 

That familiar place you once called home.”

More memories flashed of Tim swimming in lakes with Brian and their friends, laughing and screaming. He thought of the many streets and shops they liked to visit during the summertime, just walking around and exploring all that was offered in a relatively small city in Alabama. They’d always start out at that old antique store because Brian loved to see all the old inventions and different old collectibles. One time, he’d confided to Tim that he also liked to see the old photographs of people hanging on the walls that dated back to the 1800s. To him, they were like time machines back to the past. “I wonder what life was like back then for them,” Brian said as he gazed at a portrait of a 19th century woman. “I wonder what her story was. What she was like..” 

“That refuses to accept that you’re really gone..

You see, your footprints are still _here_.”

The kind lady who ran the antique shop and the brother and sister who helped their parents run the ice cream parlor still asked Tim where Brian was sometimes. He’d never had the heart to tell them the truth. 

“Imprints forever molded in the cold concrete and dirt. The Earth never forgets. 

It’s invisble to the naked eye, but it’s _there_.” 

He didn’t have the strength to keep his tears from rolling down his cheeks. As he thought about all the friends and family and the people that Brian had impacted, even if the impact was tiny, he remembered the person Brian may have impacted the most. Tim. 

Brian had given him a first true friend. Someone who understood him. Who cared. 

“Underneath layers of snow, tears frozen in time, scenes running through my mind like an endless reel of film,

I can still see the crimson traces of red that stain the holy grounds you once tread.”

That day in Benedict Hall flashed mercilessly in his mind. The crash of Brian hitting the ground. The ensuing fight with Alex that left him drenched in blood. 

Brian had wanted to fix things. Wanted to help. And for _what_? Tim had done nothing but hurt him. Lie to him. _Kill him._

He let out a shaky cry at the painful truth of both his memories and the truth of the words being forced from his soul. This was all his fault.

”Your presence lingers.

Faint reminders of things you once said, of things you once did, of dreams you once had..”

By now, Tim had lost his ability to speak without the agony and grief filling his vocal chords and leaking into his words. His words took on new emotion as he tried to resume what he wanted to say.

”Man, we were only kids, _how could you leave us like that?_

I mean of all the people in the world, why was _your_ life taken? Why was mine worth saving?

Lying in my bed, all I could think about was you! And how you never had the chance to open your eyes and see the inside of a hospital room.

How your heart stopped beating before they got you in the ambulance.

How you _never really stood a chance!_

How I survived my own tragedies and I’m still breathing but you _died_ because I refused to just tell the truth!”

He descended into sobs for a few minutes after his rant. He couldn’t bear the pain of knowing all the pain he had caused. He couldn’t bear the pain of having to open his eyes again and see a cold hard stone instead of the bright, warm eyes of his best friend. He couldn’t bear the fact that _everything was his fault._

After a few moments to compose himself, he shakily tried to finish the last of his letter. For Brian. 

“My dear friend, I miss you...”

His voice was shaky and weak. He no longer had the strength to say much more. 

“But I’d like to think your soul is still there, filtering through rays of sunlight. 

So even though you’re not here,

You’re never really out of sight...”

Tim took a moment after he finished the letter to let the silence fill the void left over. 

He shakily folded up the letter again and put it back into his jacket pocket. It would join the stack of countless letters he had written in the three years since Brian died. A collection of all the things he wanted to say to him. From describing how his day went, to revealing his deepest secrets and thoughts. 

He ran his hand over the stone one last time softly as a goodbye. Then he rose to his feet and began walking away into the fog, alone. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> This story was heavily based on an audio that I listened to on YouTube. I’ll post the link here so you guys can check it out!
> 
> https://youtu.be/qe5YmFdcOsk


End file.
